Cleaning Out and Reminiscing

I was running out of valuable drive space on my laptop so I decided to undertake a full clean-out of all the crap that's accumulated on here over the past year. Among the clearing out of programs we never use and the deletion of movies we've seen or turned out to be Asian porn under the guise of Pirates of the Caribbean, I decided to also review and clear out the Photos folder (how many self-portraits of my new haircut do I actually need?).

While in there, I found a charming black and white photo taken at my 18th birthday of three particular guys in attendance. I'm ashamed to say that the first thought that came to my mind was "I've fucked everyone in that photo". I'm not ashamed of the fact that this is true, but more so that I obviously must have much more pertinent and valued memories of each of these people.

For example, the first guy was unbelievably funny (although sometimes to my embarrassment) and he really was my first love. The second was a wonderfully sensitive and open-minded man who was, and is still, truly a wonderful friend. In fact, had distance not become such a barrier (we lived almost 700km from each other) I believe the relationship would have lasted much longer than it did. The third guy, well, he and I did not actually "date". We went to school together for a time and he was one of my closest friends, my defender and my all-round knight in shining armor. All three, are wonderful people.



It got me thinking about my life and the people in it. If you've read the "About Me" section you would know by now that I'm a bit of a hermit. I don't venture out of my cave often (but when I do, watch out!), so I really don't have a lot of very close friends. Come on, how many people on your Facebook friends list do you actually consider real friends? And I mean people you would call up just to say hey or to hang out with on a weekend. I can tell you that of mine, there is only about 8 people that would fall into that category. The sad thing - almost all of those people live no-where near here, explains the hermit-ness huh? 

I appreciate every single one of these people and the time I get to spend with them, but as my boyfriend works nights - on weekends, and I'm a 9-5 weekday-er that leaves me a pretty lonely girl come the weekend. My ass attests to it, with the 7+kgs I've gained since the move to Brissy in April. How do we remedy this?

My problems are three-fold:

1. I'm the youngest person in my office. Not by weeks or months - but by years. I'm lucky in the fact that I still command the same level of respect as my peers, but the age difference and differing interests does not make for out-of-office socialising. Especially where I am also one of the newest to the office and everyone has been here (both work and in Brisbane) for years and already have their own well-established cliques and circles of friends. Is anyone taking applications for a new buddy? I'm willing to undertake an interview.
2. Of those from my office I do get along well with or those from other floors who are around my age - our ideas of weekend fun are completely different. I enjoy a drink as much as the next person, but I'm a bit of a lush and a couple of drinks are more than enough to either have me squealing on the dance floor or ready for bed. I'm not inclined to spend all of my disposable income on over-priced drinks and cover-charge. Can't we just hit up a nice tapas bar for some food and cocktails? Maybe a movie. I'm beginning to think I was born a decade too late :(
3. Admittedly, I'm scared of venturing out on my own at night. "Bahahahahaha" you say. Indeed. But a couple of bad experiences would have you wary also. I take time to warm up to people, and even then I may not trust you for a long time after that. Maybe I'm just too negative when it comes to people. I suppose the stand-offish attitude doesn't help. I was once described at the end of year 12 as "intimidatingly over-confident", which is why people were reluctant to get to know me. I found this thoroughly amusing, and more than a little ironic. You remember when you were a child, scared of a lizard and your parents would say "it's more scared of you than you are of it"? Well that's me. I'm in no way over-confident. In fact, you scare the shit out of me. Over-confidence is a defensive armor. I'm not an armadillo after all.

Maybe I should join a book-club or a community group or something. Is there a group called "Movies and Cheese" where people go to each others houses, watch new release movies, drink wine and eat cheese? I would be on that like a rash. Maybe I should start one ;) Or put an add in the paper "Lonely Gen-Y seeking friend for conversation and social weekend outings. Must not be serial killer".

Sigh. . . . .

x B